tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-55634108565063196212024-03-28T20:43:52.742-04:00Living Alongside Grief - Exploring Loss with a Multidisciplinary PerspectiveSteve Wirzylo http://www.blogger.com/profile/10185017445834278449noreply@blogger.comBlogger71125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5563410856506319621.post-25892328833734091792024-03-23T09:31:00.004-04:002024-03-23T09:31:39.061-04:00Words of Comfort: from the Spirituality Subreddit<p>I was browsing on the Spirituality subreddit on Reddit some months back. The poster, who was grieving the loss of her mother from last year, asked about what happens to our souls when we die. I liked the words <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/spirituality/comments/16xryd4/what_happens_to_your_soul_when_you_die_where_does/" target="_blank">from this one commenter in particular:</a><br /></p><p><i>"I like to think of life here on Earth as an amusement park ride for
souls. Your mom's soul was in the car (body) in front of you and the
ride ended for her and she's waiting at the exit for you. When the ride
ends for you you'll talk and laugh about it and get a churro and figure
out what ride to go on next."</i></p>Steve Wirzylo http://www.blogger.com/profile/10185017445834278449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5563410856506319621.post-27845961134287505142024-02-05T19:44:00.002-05:002024-02-07T16:36:58.374-05:00Books That Have Helped: Healing After Loss<p>If you're deep in grief and are having a hard time focusing on anything, including reading for extended periods, there is a book I would highly recommend: <i>Healing After Loss</i> by Martha W. Hickman. The book was given to me by a dear friend who knew my mom well for many years. Though Hickman departed this world in 2015 after a prolific writing career, her words continue to resonate with many people, including yours truly. </p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMqM4sr9YXiBHo3-Z1NsV2186DXQyg7CwsI1gKp31fuXwrqB41CxdXoSkYpxlhhVIsJtoNcWQ_QancviSH-x7SK4q0rmO2c0MnN8qwlVshQu1Td9I6W5QxP80DyO-Qi3Gv6w7jFhUazy_XF3lzWh6wBVvo2oQ70o_TlGOqr2Jia2dMKUAkVPYjnrr1Qgw/s1000/Healing%20After%20Loss.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1000" data-original-width="667" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMqM4sr9YXiBHo3-Z1NsV2186DXQyg7CwsI1gKp31fuXwrqB41CxdXoSkYpxlhhVIsJtoNcWQ_QancviSH-x7SK4q0rmO2c0MnN8qwlVshQu1Td9I6W5QxP80DyO-Qi3Gv6w7jFhUazy_XF3lzWh6wBVvo2oQ70o_TlGOqr2Jia2dMKUAkVPYjnrr1Qgw/s320/Healing%20After%20Loss.jpg" width="213" /></a></div><br /><p style="text-align: left;">The book is divided in 365 meditations, one for each day of the year, each one being no more than three or four short paragraphs. I have found Hickman's book to offer much comfort and solace in recent times. I especially love some of her words from her October 23rd entry:</p><p style="text-align: left;"><i>"But our life has changed now, with the event of this loss. Perhaps it is time to take our energy we poured into that relationship....and turn to some new thing....Think of your loved one as blessing your effort, smiling through the veil that separates life from death, cheering you on...."</i><br /></p>Steve Wirzylo http://www.blogger.com/profile/10185017445834278449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5563410856506319621.post-40795512095234863352023-09-17T16:36:00.002-04:002023-09-17T16:36:34.315-04:00Articles Worth Reading: Messages in Lorraine Moran's Dreams<p>Visitations in dreams appear to be one of the most common ways people receive messages from their deceased loved ones. <a href=" https://www.guideposts.org/inspiration/life-after-death/was-god-sending-her-messages-in-her-dreams?source=zzzzzzzzzz&utm_source=YWI&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=SC_CNTN_ZZ&_kx=am_qibPspwpIZIpnzysQufoIrLpIp2Z5860GxuFaKUA%3D.ULfBBz" target="_blank">Guideposts has an article</a> about Lorraine Moran, who lost her grandfather to suicide when she was 10 years old. Several decades later, she lost her 34 year-old nephew Joey, after years of abusing alcohol and other drugs. She describes in poignant detail about visiting Joey in the hospital during his final days, when he was hooked up to all kinds of medical equipment and could barely communicate.</p><p>But what is most remarkable about Lorraine's experiences are the dreams she had in the aftermath of their deaths. After his suicide, Lorraine describes how her grandfather visited her in three separate dreams, merely saying the word "yes" to her in each one, and being comforted by him. And then there's the account of a dream she had after Joey's passing:</p><p><i>"One night just a few days after Joey passed, I fell into a deep
sleep. I dreamt I was hanging up my clothes on my clothing line. My
grief continued to weigh down on me as I worked. Then I felt a presence
with me. I turned to see Joey. He looked so different. His face was
filled out and had its color back. He smiled and his blues eyes were
bright and full of life. As he looked at me, he started to laugh his
familiar, hearty laugh. </i></p><p><i>
I was suddenly hit with anger. How could he be laughing right now?
Didn’t he see how much pain I was in? But Joey just smiled at me and put
a hand on my shoulder. 'Aunt Lorraine, you don’t get it,' he said. A
calm slowly settled over my body." </i></p><p>And what is this "it" that those of us still here on Earth don't get? I have to wonder....<i> <br /></i></p><p></p>Steve Wirzylo http://www.blogger.com/profile/10185017445834278449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5563410856506319621.post-89876875789595772672023-08-22T15:38:00.002-04:002023-08-22T15:38:53.430-04:00Animals and Spiritual Development<p style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">As a follow-up to the last post: I was reading an excerpt from Craig
Hamilton-Parker’s book <i>What to Do When </i><i><span style="text-decoration: none;">You
Are Dead. </span></i><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="text-decoration: none;">Hamilton-Parker
works as a spiritual medium. There was a passage in his book that I
found particularly fascinating and eye-opening, where he talks about
animals and their spiritual evolution:</span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none;">
“<i>My spirit guide has told us that animals do not all survive as
individual identities after death. Some merge to what he calls a
‘group consciousness’. Their spirits return to a collective
awareness for that particular species, and from this pool of
awareness different animal souls are born. It is only when an animal
becomes self-aware that its soul continues after death and starts the
long process of climbing the evolutionary ladder toward human and
angelic consciousness.</i></p>
<p style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;"><i><span style="text-decoration: none;">For
many animals, this journey begins if it receives love from a human.
In particular, pets and domestic animals gain a sense of identity
because of prolonged exposure to humans. </span><span style="text-decoration: none;">Our
consciousness ‘rubs off’ on them, so to speak, causing them to
forsake much of their instinctive nature and start to develop free
will. Some people lavish love on their pets and treat them like
their own children. Although in many ways this is a form of
psychological transference, they are in fact helping the animal
progress spiritually. The love they lavish on them enables the pet
to quickly attain a sense of identity. The owner is thereby helping
to create a new soul. I suppose you could say that pets are children
in a real sense, for their souls are brand new!”</span></i></p>
<p style="font-style: normal; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="text-decoration: none;">T</span><span style="text-decoration: none;">his
is definitely a revelation to me. I’ve heard before that animals
are here on Earth to help us human develop spiritually, but it could
also </span><span style="text-decoration: none;">well</span><span style="text-decoration: none;">
be that we’re here to help them spiritually develop as well!</span></p>
<p><style type="text/css">p { margin-bottom: 0.1in; line-height: 115%; background: transparent }</style></p>Steve Wirzylo http://www.blogger.com/profile/10185017445834278449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5563410856506319621.post-14754603361038617402023-08-14T11:53:00.001-04:002023-08-14T11:53:28.720-04:00Do Animals Grieve? Part II<p>In a previous post,<a href="https://livingalongsidegrief.blogspot.com/2022/06/do-animals-grieve.html" target="_blank"> I talked a little about whether animals feel grief towards each other when one of their own dies.</a> This raises another possibility -- we all know that we humans grieve the loss of our animal companions, but do our animal companions grieve us when we pass on from this world first? I present a few stories culled from the web that seemingly demonstrate that animals feel sadness from the loss of their human companions.</p><p>First, <a href="https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3890030/Heartbroken-cat-misses-dead-owner-spent-year-living-GRAVE-Indonesia.html" target="_blank">a 2016 story about a cat in Central Java, Indonesia, who apparently misses her dead owner so much that she had spent over a year at the grave of the woman she loved the most.</a> Even though a kind passer-by tried to give the feline a new home, she kept returning to the graveside: <br /></p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZNi7bWkSjtnr5ph0EKPrHAN1TVQbJEe3XeXRsSmKgR3cy9y2oM0yzYuMVPNFE7j6fgGbzLaWp6JA9Ztm78K7HcULuCBYz-SADE3LY0UlXeAahNd0bYVgsMvy6TdpWPuhsEctzD0qBpOs4LOizPDuqkP7VibMoQ8HYLiNZGrpKUjo4tIIUejnqvmAJKJ0/s802/cat-grieving-owner-indonesia.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="802" data-original-width="634" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZNi7bWkSjtnr5ph0EKPrHAN1TVQbJEe3XeXRsSmKgR3cy9y2oM0yzYuMVPNFE7j6fgGbzLaWp6JA9Ztm78K7HcULuCBYz-SADE3LY0UlXeAahNd0bYVgsMvy6TdpWPuhsEctzD0qBpOs4LOizPDuqkP7VibMoQ8HYLiNZGrpKUjo4tIIUejnqvmAJKJ0/s320/cat-grieving-owner-indonesia.jpg" width="253" /></a></div><p></p><p><a href="https://littlethings.com/pets/horse-says-goodbye" target="_blank"><br /></a></p><p><a href="https://littlethings.com/pets/horse-says-goodbye" target="_blank">The second story relates to a 34 year-old cowboy from Paraguay, Wagner Lima. </a> Lima was killed in a motorcycle crash in Brazil on New Year's Day, 2017. During the funeral procession, Lima's horse, Sereno, was heard whimpering, and even at one point put his head on Lima's casket: <br /></p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfBAWsko9tdonrxrP0hEyLt_uuY4xIL-R7SrjPYbvNOD7w5vBqPEEaFtqQE47oIpJ521ssSRGJgCCuhPh60De63AYEyKKqTl1J278G9mXRw9RzGhFc3OYpJ3FgB5KQyylJkSwNEzofklGW2Y6qRLcVAEERY2BUPJtmZ5Zhy4WhUkfb6Rz3-G8zFO3sBfY/s660/horse-grieving-owner.webp" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="373" data-original-width="660" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfBAWsko9tdonrxrP0hEyLt_uuY4xIL-R7SrjPYbvNOD7w5vBqPEEaFtqQE47oIpJ521ssSRGJgCCuhPh60De63AYEyKKqTl1J278G9mXRw9RzGhFc3OYpJ3FgB5KQyylJkSwNEzofklGW2Y6qRLcVAEERY2BUPJtmZ5Zhy4WhUkfb6Rz3-G8zFO3sBfY/s320/horse-grieving-owner.webp" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: left;">Finally, there's a YouTube video of dogs that appear to be grieving the loss of their owners:</p><p style="text-align: left;"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/2xifFTHrg0c" width="320" youtube-src-id="2xifFTHrg0c"></iframe></div><br /><p style="text-align: left;">Some people have provided alternate explanations for some of these stories, that the animals in question are not really grieving but are exhibiting other behaviors. Still, it's interesting to ponder the possibility that animals may miss their human companions in a similar way that we miss them when they take leave of this world.<br /></p>Steve Wirzylo http://www.blogger.com/profile/10185017445834278449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5563410856506319621.post-89672119340915488222023-08-08T16:55:00.004-04:002023-08-16T22:52:33.559-04:00Words of Comfort: From a Dear Friend<p>At the end of July I was recalling an extremely vivid dream I had had the previous night with my friend Kari. It was springtime and I was at my dad's place. He told me that my mom had been "missing" since the winter and was presumed dead. I then walked into an adjacent room -- I believe it was the study -- and saw my mom's lifeless body lying in bed. (Funny that my dad didn't bother to check the next room!) I approached my mom's body, and then, all of sudden, she became reanimated -- she opened her eyes and started talking. I remember hugging her and remembering how her face felt and smelled. Then I woke up, and spent a good portion of that day in tears-- something I hadn't done in a while. After I recalled this to Kari, she wrote the following words to me:</p><p><i>"Maybe it would help you to realize that your mom is still with you, but in a different form. If we are energy, if we are spirit and soul, then she's just as much with you now as she was two years ago. It's just that we want what we know and it's hard to see and feel something new. I know it's not as satisfying. Not right now anyway. I think that's because we don't understand the purpose of earth. I think if we did, we wouldn't see that a person died. I think we'd see that they were still on their journey, just like us. And that your souls aren't disconnected. It's just a new level of enlightenment."</i></p><p>Kari's words have been a source of comfort to me in recent days, and I hope they are a comfort to you as well, dear reader, during your time of grief.<br /></p>Steve Wirzylo http://www.blogger.com/profile/10185017445834278449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5563410856506319621.post-9706918878946937492023-08-04T17:35:00.001-04:002023-08-04T17:35:10.751-04:00Practices That Have Helped: Replacing Sorrow With Humor<p>A little over a month ago -- June 30, to be precise -- I was talking with my friend Kari via text messaging. The conversation went like this:</p><p>Kari: "Hey, I just had a really crazy thing happen to me. And I'm pretty sure you're supposed to do this little exercise when you're ready. So if you are open to it I'll tell you about it."</p><p>Me: "Sure! I can try it later this evening when my dad and I are back home. Tell me about it!"</p><p>Kari: "Is there anywhere in the house or somewhere there in the area that makes you feel sad?"</p><p>Me: "Sometimes it's the guest bedroom on the first floor. Our cat Milton and I would spend a lot of time together there."</p><p>.... <br /></p><p>Kari: <span>"Ok, what are your favorite comedies to watch? Movies or TV. What's hilarious to you?"<br /></span></p><p>I then gave Kari a list of my favorite funny TV shows and movies.</p><p>Kari: "Ok. You need to go into the room and watch something that will make you laugh. Be in that room and laugh. Do it a couple different times. And you'll start to feel happiness in that room...I'll look forward to hearing your experiences. And do me a favor. After you watch your movie or show, take a minute to stop and have a quiet moment to feel the vibe in the room. Stop and feel and listen and take it all in."</p><p> </p><p>In the weeks since, I've done exactly as Kari instructed me to do. I took my laptop into the room where Milton and I used to spend time together, and watched some funny YouTube videos. And you know what? I think there might be something to this technique. The guest bedroom doesn't feel as sorrowful as it once did -- things feel a little lighter in there. I saw a saying on the webpage of a former classmate of mine: "Change the narrative. Laugh in the places you've cried." Maybe you should give it a try, dear reader, and let me know if it works for you.<br /></p>Steve Wirzylo http://www.blogger.com/profile/10185017445834278449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5563410856506319621.post-14903012863955823302023-07-28T15:20:00.001-04:002023-07-28T15:20:38.136-04:00Dancing Your Grief Away? Why Not?<p>I had mentioned in one of my <a href="https://livingalongsidegrief.blogspot.com/2022/06/practices-that-have-helped-keep-moving.html" target="_blank">previous posts on how staying in motion</a> -- such as exercising -- can help deal with the worst aspects of grief. Well, it looks like the whole concept has been taken to a new level. Over at <a href="https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/" target="_blank">Good News Network</a>, there's a new story: <a href="https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/dance-away-your-tears-with-this-grief-disco-kiosk/" target="_blank">"Dance Away Your Tears With This 'Grief Disco Kiosk'."</a> The story profiles British artist Anna Nicholson, who is collaborating with several different organizations, to convert old European-style K67 kiosks into places where people can express their grief through the medium of dance. According to the article, <i>"there’ll be meditation and yoga workshops, dance classes, and “grief
raves” where clubbers can request tracks that remind them of absent or
lost loved ones."</i> Nicholson is no stranger to grief, after losing her mother, sister, and sister's partner in a helicopter crash, and her father a few years later to cancer. A few years earlier, Nicholson was involved in another creative venture, <a href="https://www.optimistdaily.com/2021/07/visit-this-artists-ice-cream-van-to-talk-about-grief-and-mental-health/" target="_blank">using an ice cream truck to entice people to show up for some sweet treats as well as providing a venue for discussing their issues with grief and los</a>s. It all goes to show that even amidst our grief, there is still a lot of room for being creative and reaching out to others!</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu1NsK3Z90OTGAS87iz45YUC-Sdf-ttcE5EVNnkT99UgMWyDyB-I8IFk49_Sj1JAG6_tYhL37DWHmrZRrN-Hx4z-7TqFrylgnmwjZZxVcpQnEjM19ArcP_CG-QzNHGLgFSwzqw_FUEaFHcxaXEwBBirqHhs2Tp1QeFE0JwLDj8F2Mg-4Oq9Dze9fOrO_w/s696/grief-disco-kiosk.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="385" data-original-width="696" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu1NsK3Z90OTGAS87iz45YUC-Sdf-ttcE5EVNnkT99UgMWyDyB-I8IFk49_Sj1JAG6_tYhL37DWHmrZRrN-Hx4z-7TqFrylgnmwjZZxVcpQnEjM19ArcP_CG-QzNHGLgFSwzqw_FUEaFHcxaXEwBBirqHhs2Tp1QeFE0JwLDj8F2Mg-4Oq9Dze9fOrO_w/w385-h213/grief-disco-kiosk.jpg" width="385" /></a></div><br /><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p>Steve Wirzylo http://www.blogger.com/profile/10185017445834278449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5563410856506319621.post-18433626260279523962023-07-20T19:11:00.002-04:002023-07-21T16:55:41.002-04:00Living a "Wabi-Sabi Life"<p>A few years ago, I read an article by another blogger about her decision to deliberately live a "Wabi-Sabi" life. I couldn't find the original article, <a href="https://www.omaritani.com/blog/wabi-sabi-philosophy-teachings" target="_blank">but this one from Omar Itani </a>nicely sums up the concept. Excerpt:</p><p><i><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">"Wabi-sabi is an elegant philosophy that denotes a more connected way of living—a lifestyle, where we are deeply connected to nature, and thus, better connected to our truest inner-selves. </span></i></p><p style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>Wabi-sabi is a concept that motions us to constantly search for the beauty in imperfection and accept the more natural cycle of life. It reminds us that all things including us and life itself, are impermanent, incomplete, and imperfect. Perfection, then, is impossible and impermanence is the only way.</i></p><p style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>Taken individually, wabi and sabi are two separate concepts: </i></p><ul data-rte-list="default"><li><p style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>Wabi is about recognizing beauty in humble simplicity. It invites us to open our heart and detach from the vanity of materialism so we can experience spiritual richness instead. </i></p></li><li><p style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>Sabi is concerned with the passage of time, the way all things grow, age, and decay, and how it manifests itself beautifully in objects. It suggests that beauty is hidden beneath the surface of what we actually see, even in what we initially perceive as broken. </i></p></li></ul><p style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>Together, these two concepts create an overarching philosophy for approaching life: Accept what is, stay in the present moment, and appreciate the simple, transient stages of life."</i></p><p></p><p>Lots of great spiritual advice in this article, including recognizing the beauty in all things, accepting our circumstances, striving for excellence instead of perfection, and slowing down our pace of living. As for myself, I've discovered that it's all too easy that when you've lost someone, you wind up holding on even more intensely to the people, places, and things that remain in your life, even when it causes even more pain. I especially liked this statement, which is something I've struggled with over these last couple of years:</p><p style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>"Zen is about how you face the challenges and difficulties life throws at you. It’s about how you deal with the inevitable realities of failure, grief, worry, and loneliness. Zen is in your response. Will you accept the imperfect flow of life? Or will you fight it? Will you find peace in what is right here, right now? Or will you deny it and thus continue your struggle with it? </i></p><p style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>The idea is quite simple: As you continue to resist, so will you continue to compound your suffering."</i></p><p></p>Steve Wirzylo http://www.blogger.com/profile/10185017445834278449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5563410856506319621.post-82094079399130750702023-07-05T20:01:00.001-04:002023-07-05T20:18:33.484-04:00Books That Have Helped: "The 10 Things to Do When Your Life Falls Apart"<div><p>Yes, life on Earth can really suck a lot of the time. That's especially true when you're grieving. But....that doesn't mean there aren't ways to alleviate the pain. Sometimes we need others to show us a different way. I like to think that Daphne Rose Kingma is one of those people. I've been re-visiting Kingma's book<i> The Ten Things to Do When Your Life Falls Apart</i>. While the book was written in 2010, the lessons in her book, I believe, are timeless. </p><p style="text-align: center;"></p></div><div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-RhF16oC6tPDR5VMb4khjY9-YM3q6GhpUGrB316Hx31lL1OUUrmi_lLf3_Pw36RX8EovsvAXImN-NgsLtLg1Oyk_U_tCPhpZFkpVY3XTNbpQqXxgwzYkX7sVLSMsu7dSIbbhnJ3r7CWZhFlBWe4gBmtlTkZShvNlh_MtLuMljl6VaBheDM_XrInLByKA/s500/kingma-10Things.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="313" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-RhF16oC6tPDR5VMb4khjY9-YM3q6GhpUGrB316Hx31lL1OUUrmi_lLf3_Pw36RX8EovsvAXImN-NgsLtLg1Oyk_U_tCPhpZFkpVY3XTNbpQqXxgwzYkX7sVLSMsu7dSIbbhnJ3r7CWZhFlBWe4gBmtlTkZShvNlh_MtLuMljl6VaBheDM_XrInLByKA/s320/kingma-10Things.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><p>From her introduction: <i>"This book is about those times when life has become so overwhelmingly difficult that you feel as if you want to give up -- when it feels as if you can no longer cope, when you feel as if you've been taxed to the max. On an emotional level you're wondering how you'll make it through all the terrible feelings: grief, loss, sadness, despair....But the truth is that no one escapes such things, no matter what their origins. Loss, heartache, tragedy, and strings of difficult events that leave us breathless with confusion, terrified about the future, hating our lives, and wondering about their meaning are the warp and weft of the human condition. No matter your birth sign, hair color, nationality of origin, net taxable income, or acts of a thousand past lives -- no one is exempt."</i></p><p>Kingma then offers ten techniques to help you when you're faced with these agonizing and hopeless situations. They are:</p><p>1. Cry Your Heart Out</p><p>2.<span> Face Your Defaults</span></p><p><span>3. Do Something Different</span></p><p><span>4. Let Go</span></p><p><span>5. Remember Who You've Always Been</span></p><p><span>6. Persist</span></p><p><span>7. Integrate Your Loss</span></p><p><span>8. Live Simply</span></p><p><span>9. Go Where the Love Is</span></p><p><span>10. Live in the Light of the Spirit </span></p><p><span>Of course, my summarizing doesn't do the book justice. What I love about Kingma's book is that it has the potential to appeal to people of many diverse faith backgrounds, including those who could identify themselves as "spiritual but not religious". It's also a big plus that her work is loaded with stories of people from all walks of life who have struggled with loss and heartbreak. This book is definitely on my short list for those who are trying to make sense out of their grief. Absolutely worth a read! </span><br /></p>Steve Wirzylo http://www.blogger.com/profile/10185017445834278449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5563410856506319621.post-22830782781960335292023-05-07T18:27:00.002-04:002023-11-17T16:15:55.538-05:00El's NDE Experience and Not Wanting to Return to Earth<p>Some weeks ago -- I believe it was in late March -- I had a very interesting conversation with my friend Bob. Bob is interested in all things theological and spiritual. At one point in the conversation, Bob told me he hoped that reincarnation didn't exist, because he never wanted to return to Earth. And in my great surprise, I told him that I had had the exact same thought over the years, and I said in a half-joking manner that if we ever came face to face with God that we "should ask to be designated for assignment somewhere else," rather than come back to Earth.<br /></p><p>Then I watched an episode of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_c8KysI2G9rAbNyD1dVd6g" target="_blank">Jeff Mara's podcast</a>. In this episode, Jeff interviews El Serumaga. El experienced a profound near-death experience while in a coma. Among her many fascinating observations from her NDE:<br /></p><p>- Everything alive is conscious, including plants.</p><p>- That Earth is a sort of "boot camp" for the soul. </p><p>- Thoughts on extraterrestrial life and their interactions with humanity.<br /></p><p>- El gaining psychic abilities through her experience.<br /></p><p>- That humanity is living in a dystopian existence right now.</p><p>Then I read some of the YouTube comments from others who also listened to the interview, which bore an uncanny resemblance to the conversation Bob and I had several weeks earlier. From "Jennifer":<br /></p><p><i>"My 15 year old nephew told me today that he knew when he was 13 that
this earth was a terrible place. He says he's not going to have children
(his 19 year old sister says same). And, he says he's not going to come
back here (reincarnation). I think a lot of us are waking up to the
fact that this is a prison planet."</i></p><p>On a somewhat more humorous note, there was this comment from "Amy": <br /></p><p><i>"<span class="style-scope yt-formatted-string" dir="auto">In my humble opinion, the Earth is basically like that Summer Camp we all went to with the runny oatmeal, the cold dorm rooms and scratchy blankets complete with the instructor that had not yet realized he was no longer in the Marines. I wonder if on the Other Side they advertise Earth with glossy photo images like they use in pharma commercials with scenes with strolling on the beach with a loving partner at sunrise and a happy puppy and a shiny SUV in the background for good measure."</span></i></p><p><span class="style-scope yt-formatted-string" dir="auto">All of this brings up a fascinating yet disturbing possibility: if our souls existed before our births, is it possible that a lot of us were duped or misled into coming to Earth in the first place? If coming to Earth was necessary for our spiritual growth, is it possible that there were spiritual entities that convinced us to come here without fully explaining the disappointments and trials and grief we would encounter, knowing that we would likely decline the offer to come here if we knew? Until now I never had even conceptualized of such a possibility. On the surface, I know this sounds like a ludicrous and far-out concept, but sometimes I just have to wonder.</span></p><p><span class="style-scope yt-formatted-string" dir="auto">As a counterpoint, some people in the comments mentioned that life on Earth in itself is not miserable, but that many of the people who hold huge amounts of wealth and/or power make it miserable for everyone else. <br /></span></p><p><span class="style-scope yt-formatted-string" dir="auto">Anyway, if you're a believer in NDEs, I strongly encourage you to watch Jeff's interview with El in its entirety. I do think that listening to stories such as El's can give us reassurance about the life that is to come for us and our deceased loved ones. Jeff is a wonderful interviewer with his calm and inquisitive demeanor, asking relevant questions while allowing his guests to talk without interruption. And El tells her story with such thoughtfulness and genuineness and sweetness -- it's just an amazing interview all the way around.<br /></span></p><p><span class="style-scope yt-formatted-string" dir="auto"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/5oKbsXkyoFY" width="320" youtube-src-id="5oKbsXkyoFY"></iframe></div><br /><span class="style-scope yt-formatted-string" dir="auto"><br /></span><p></p>Steve Wirzylo http://www.blogger.com/profile/10185017445834278449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5563410856506319621.post-60178291224043099972023-04-29T09:39:00.003-04:002023-08-02T10:30:48.944-04:00Personal Musings: 9 Ways Grief Has Changed Me<p>I've been working on this post for some time, as I've tried and struggled to put my thoughts into words. There's no doubt about it -- grief changes us, in many ways permanently. This is not necessarily a bad thing. Oftentimes the biggest losses and traumas in our lives can also lead to the most growth, if we can find a way. I very well might add on to this post as time passes and I can gain greater perspective.<br /></p><p>So how has grief changed me? Here are 9 ways my life has changed over the last two years:</p><p>1. Less Interested in Material Things</p><p>Yes, we all need money. But the amount each of us needs varies. There are two big things money can't buy: true friendship and more time. Buying more things will not bring my mom or the pets back. I've also realized that I don't need anywhere near as much "stuff" as I thought in order to be content. Because of that, I've been much more willing to part with my things, especially when I realize I haven't made use of a lot of my possessions for a long time. I figure a lot of my things would be better off in someone else's hands.<br /></p><p><br /></p><p>2. Trying to Live More in the Present</p><p>I'm trying to not dwell excessively on the past. And if I do, I make every effort to focus more on the good memories. Until recently I've had a bad habit of replaying my final moments with my deceased loved ones instead of focusing on the numerous good times we had. <br /></p><p>As for the future, who among us know what tomorrow will bring? My track record for accurately predicting the future has been absolutely dismal. And I had absolutely no idea two years ago that my life would be where it is today. The past is done and the future is unknown. The only thing we each have is the present. And as I read from somewhere about living in the past: "Don't look back -- you're not going that way."</p><p><br /></p><p>3. More Grateful for the Little Things</p><p>There's a quote I heard recently that really resonated with me: "If you're not happy with your morning cup of coffee, you're not going to be happy if you're placed on a yacht." If we don't appreciate the little things in life, having the big things won't make us feel any better. And at the same time, appreciating the little things can help when we're unable to acquire the big things. Make no mistake, I've totally failed at the "big things" in life, especially when it's come to matters of careers and relationships. But appreciating the smaller things, like a delicious meal, or enjoying a beautiful sunny day, or having a good conversation with friends, can really take the edge off a day when you're struggling with grief and sorrow.</p><p><br /></p><p>4. Not in a Hurry -- for Anything </p><p>Running around, being in a hurry, and stressing out over deadlines doesn't accomplish anything. I'm learning to detach myself and accommodate myself to "slower living". When I look back over my life, I wonder why I got so stressed and bent out of shape about things that ultimately didn't matter in the long run.</p><p><br /></p><p>5. Be More Understanding and Forgiving of Others </p><p>My mom, Carter, and Milton all loved me unconditionally. They didn't seem to mind in terms of what I had or hadn't done with my life. </p><p>I realize that for far too long that I've struggled with insecurity, envy, and holding grudges, even if I did a good job at concealing those feelings.</p><p>Over the years I've encountered a number of people who were mean, hostile, rude to me. On more than one occasion, I eventually discovered it wasn't really about me -- they were having a difficult time of things in life and didn't know how to handle it, or weren't handling it well. When I look back on my own life, I can see times where I didn't treat others in a fair and respectable manner, and I deeply regret that. So I would say that we need to give everyone a fair shake -- we all fall short at times in the way we treat others.<br /></p><p><br /></p><p>6. I don't play games anymore.</p><p>Not with people -- I don't believe in doing that. There were many times, however, when I would play video games to pass the time or escape boredom. For some reason, I just haven't felt the need to do it since my mom and the pets passed. Maybe I don't have the energy or focus, or maybe my interests in life have shifted.</p><p> </p><p>7. I've been forced to confront my fears, insecurities, resentments, and addictions.</p><p>Maybe I'll explain more in a later post, but I've come to realize that most of us are dealing with things that we're afraid of. Many of us feel resentment and envy towards those who seem to have life much better than we do. I've come to realize that a lot of these feelings are misplaced. A lot of the time, people who seem to be enjoying a "good life" are just doing a better job with hiding their problems. And as much as we may look down on people who are addicted to alcohol or other drugs, many of us have our own addictions to cope with the difficulties in life, whether it's food, exercise, social media, mindlessly surfing the internet, or whatever. I realize I have no reason to look down on others when I have my own bad habits.</p><p><br /></p><p>8. Not Having a Home Anymore</p><p>Ever since my mom and Carter and Milton left this world, I've been living more of a nomadic life. I don't really have a single "home" anymore. Rather, home is in multiple places. At first, I found this very stressful and disorienting. Now, I've grown used to it. I've come to know different people in different locales, and I realize now that "home" for me is nowhere, yet everywhere.<br /></p><p></p><p><br /></p><p>9. Knowing I'm Not Alone and that Life Goes On</p><p>There were many times, especially over this last year, when I wasn't sure if I wanted to live anymore. I still feel like that from time to time, although the frequency of these thoughts has decreased. I've discovered that there are a LOT of people who have endured loss, including multiple losses, over the last few years. I think the whole COVID pandemic has affected a lot of us permanently, and that there is no going back to the way things were before. All the more important for each one of us to treat each other with gentleness and mercy in the aftermath of all that has happened in our world.<br /></p><p><br /></p>Steve Wirzylo http://www.blogger.com/profile/10185017445834278449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5563410856506319621.post-48054343563738150822023-04-19T18:10:00.000-04:002023-04-19T18:10:36.015-04:00Podcasts Worth Listening To: Give Grief a Chance<p>One excellent podcast I've been listening to more is <a href="https://www.givegriefachance.com/grief-podcast.html" target="_blank">Give Grief a Chance</a>, hosted by Diane Morgan. Diane grew up in England before moving to the United States. She works as a certified Grief Therapist and Hypnotherapist. Diane has a lot of experience dealing with grief and loss in her own life -- she lost both her parents and her brother over an 8 month period in 2008.</p><p>Diane's podcast covers the whole gamut of the grief experience, covering numerous topics, which include talking to children about death, steps and techniques to deal with our emotions while we grieve, dealing with the loss of a pet, making peace with our pasts, and how to find purpose and motivation in life again after losing a loved one. I can't recommend Diane's podcast enough. She speaks with such wonderful insight and compassion that she makes the whole grief process a little more bearable.</p><p style="text-align: center;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.givegriefachance.com/grief-podcast.html" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img border="0" data-original-height="1400" data-original-width="1400" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7qY_O2NIUgL6w7Zgn3XLfj0TOnJ1OrbwlPVlO4rgMzW4wIsAvjvfkE79Mnq-Uve5OUiqeHZ54awvf5CWgUCr5Iaq8AosJfvUSodQklpJn-QGkTU22ckhV0FPSQUZ0UPx9FIkBJUFE6MWDl8GNZAT079LRVG9ZErRYfGqaq9IGVNPLfT1KHWzqyFNK/s320/give-grief-a-chance-diane-morgan.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /> <p></p>Steve Wirzylo http://www.blogger.com/profile/10185017445834278449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5563410856506319621.post-60935398809546198642023-04-10T19:52:00.001-04:002023-04-10T19:52:58.896-04:00Words to Ponder Over: Our Lives Are Filled With "Little Deaths"<p>Over at <a href="http://www.woundedbirdsministry.com" target="_blank">Wounded Birds Ministry,</a> there is an insightful article, <a href="https://www.woundedbirdsministry.com/grieving-little-deaths/" target="_blank">"Grieving the Little Deaths in Our Lives"</a>. Money quote:<br /></p><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_0 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"><div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1"><i>"Commonly, when we think of grief, we think about death:
the death of a spouse, a family member, or a close friend. These are
big, profound losses that alter the shape of our reality and cause us to
alter our sense of identity in some way.</i></p><i>
</i><p class="p1"><i>What we miss in this simplistic definition are all the
little deaths we experience in our lives. Every time we hit a change in
our life, we experience<a href="https://www.woundedbirdsministry.com/new-car-grief-lesson/"> a little death</a>.
In my story, it was the death of my team that upset me: we would have
layoffs, people would quit – it would all happen quickly, and outside my
control.</i></p><i>
</i><p class="p1"><i>We live a lot of little deaths in our lives. When we
marry, we experience the death of our single-life. When we become
parents, our childless existences depart from us. Relationships die,
lives change.</i></p><i>
</i><p class="p1"><i>As a society, we don’t acknowledge these little deaths
enough."</i><br /></p></div>
</div><p>After reading this, I realize that we deal with all kinds of deaths and losses throughout our lives: Co-workers quit or get fired. Our workplaces go out of business. Friends move away, or we lose touch. Favorite stores and restaurants close. Hopefully when we have to deal with these "little deaths" in our lives, we can seek out and find new people, places, and things to take their place. Looking ahead is what we need to focus on, instead of looking behind with regret. As a certain B-rated actor from a B-rated movie once stated: "We should all be interested in the future, because that is where you and I are going to be spending the rest of our lives."<br /></p>Steve Wirzylo http://www.blogger.com/profile/10185017445834278449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5563410856506319621.post-60116600463621729362022-12-26T22:02:00.000-05:002022-12-26T22:02:17.920-05:00Articles Worth Reading: Grief During the Holidays<p>The holidays can be a very difficult time to deal with during our grief. There's an article over at <a href="http://www.pathwayshealth.org" target="_blank">Pathways Health</a>: <a href="https://pathwayshealth.org/grief-support/why-grief-can-seem-worse-during-the-holidays/" target="_blank">Why Grief Can Seem Worse During the Holidays.</a> It's no secret why this time of year can be difficult for so many who are grieving a loss. Quote:</p><p><i>"Grief in and of itself is bad enough, but it can be
magnified when the holidays roll around. That’s mainly because the
holiday season is filled with reminders of the one you lost, as you’re
surrounded by others who have their loved ones with them and are
celebrating a season of joy and togetherness." </i></p><p>The author(s) have lots of good suggestions for how we can better deal with this time of year, including creating new holiday traditions,<i> </i>setting limits on how much you may or may not want to socialize with others, and donating to charity in your loved one's name. All in all, a a nicely-written and concise guide for how to make this time of year a bit more bearable.<br /><i></i></p>Steve Wirzylo http://www.blogger.com/profile/10185017445834278449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5563410856506319621.post-50424532479742566422022-12-18T14:46:00.000-05:002022-12-18T14:46:14.508-05:00Words to Ponder Over: We're Dying All The Time<p>Not so much a "Words of Comfort" post, as much as a "Words to Ponder Over/Think About". I was listening to <a href="https://www.grief2growth.com/podcast/" target="_blank">Brian D. Smith's podcast Grief 2 Growth</a>, while he was interviewing Clare Goldsberry. Clare is the author of the book <i>"The Illusion of Life and Death: Mind, Consciousness, and Eternal Being"</i>, and is a student of Buddhism. At one point in the interview, she talks about the impermanence of all things, a theme I personally have been hearing more about lately:</p><p><i>"So we don’t really like the unknown, and we don’t like change. And I
think one of the things about the Buddhist tradition....It’s a
philosophy of change, and how to adapt to change, because everything
will always change. And whether we know it or not, whether we like it
or not, even our bodies are constantly changing. Day by day,
our cells die....we experience little mini deaths every day as our
cells die. We get....new hair, we get new skin, we get
new fingernails, things are always changing. We’re just not that aware
of it. And I think this lack of awareness, about change and about
impermanence really keeps us from looking at at death and what it is,
and how we can have a good death and what it means. People think death
is the end."</i></p><p><a href="https://www.grief2growth.com/clare-goldsberry-discover-the-teacher-within/" target="_blank">You can hear and/or read the whole interview here.</a><i><a href="https://www.grief2growth.com/clare-goldsberry-discover-the-teacher-within/" target="_blank"> </a></i></p><p>Brian's interview with Clare reminds me of an old science article I read years ago about how the human body replaces its cells every 7 years. Actually, according to livescience.com, <a href="https://www.livescience.com/33179-does-human-body-replace-cells-seven-years.html" target="_blank">the truth is more complicated than that</a> -- skin cells and cells in our digestive tract replace themselves in a matter of months, while certain cells in our brain are with us from birth until death. But it does raise a fascinating perspective -- that, for the most part, the earthly bodies we inhabit now are not really the same earthly bodies we inhabited 10 years ago! As Clare points out, everything in our world is in a constant state of flux, a constant state of change, and that leaving our physical earthly bodies behind at the time of "death" is really about us going through another change as we go onto something new.<br /></p>Steve Wirzylo http://www.blogger.com/profile/10185017445834278449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5563410856506319621.post-50584308273911330072022-12-15T18:29:00.001-05:002022-12-15T18:29:07.855-05:00Videos That Have Helped: TED talk with Nora McInerny<p>Nora McInerny is no stranger when it comes to dealing with grief. Over the space of 3 months in 2014, she lost both her husband and father to cancer and had a miscarriage with her second child. Since that time, Nora has re-married, authored several books, including "The Hot Young Widows Club" and "Bad Vibes Only". She also is the host of the podcast <a href="https://ttfa.org/">"Terrible, Thanks for Asking"</a>. </p><p>Nora has the rare gift of handling grief with equal parts grace, wisdom, and humor. In 2019 she gave a TED talk: <i>"We Don't 'Move On' From Grief. We Move Forward With It":</i></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/khkJkR-ipfw" width="320" youtube-src-id="khkJkR-ipfw"></iframe></div><p> </p><p>Nora's talk has been one of the most insightful videos on grief I have seen to date. Some of my favorite quotes: "Everyone you love has a 100 percent chance of dying." "I'm just trying to do what I can to make more people comfortable with the uncomfortable, and grief is so uncomfortable." "We don't look at the people around us experiencing life's joys and wonders and tell them to 'move on', do we?" Again, I say: watch the whole thing from start to finish. I think that Nora really understands some of the emotions we go through when we grieve.<br /></p>Steve Wirzylo http://www.blogger.com/profile/10185017445834278449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5563410856506319621.post-66803607607593595022022-11-29T19:37:00.005-05:002022-11-29T21:42:36.521-05:00Articles Worth Reading: Grief and the Orthodox Church<div style="text-align: left;"><p><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span>I recently stumbled upon an article from the St. Paul Orthodox Church in Frehold, New Jersey, USA. Lots of good advice here about how those professing the Christian faith can handle their grief. The author(s) point out that getting through grief takes work, that different people don't grieve the same way, and that Christians oftentimes cannot feel hope without a corresponding sense of loss -- and that's OK! Also noteworthy is that Jesus himself could not hold back his grief in the Bible:</span></span></p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><p><span style="font-size: small;"><i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span><span>"For we must be reminded that Jesus is recorded as having wept on two occasions. He looked out over his beloved city, Jerusalem,
and poured out tears of grief because she had denied her destiny. His
grief was an expression of His love and His disappointment at the coming
tragedy for the people He so loved. Jesus wept at the thought of the
unrealized dreams and the unfulfilled hopes which the eventual
destruction of Jerusalem would mean (Luke 19: 41 - 44).</span></span></span></i></span></p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><p><span style="font-size: small;"><i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span><span>Jesus
also wept when He visited Martha and Mary after the death of Lazarus.
Those who stood near Him on that day were quick to interpret His
behavior, for they said, 'See how he loved him' (John 11: 35, 36)! Grief
was rightly seen as an expression of love."</span></span></span></i></span></p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><p><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span><span> </span></span></span></p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span><span style="font-size: small;">The article can be read in its <a href="https://www.stpaul-freehold.com/chrgri" target="_blank">entirety here</a>.</span><br /></span></span></span></p></div><p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p><br /></p>Steve Wirzylo http://www.blogger.com/profile/10185017445834278449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5563410856506319621.post-51082811025361470252022-11-20T15:03:00.000-05:002022-11-20T15:03:05.166-05:00Practices That Have Helped: Focusing on the Present<p>Over the last few weeks, I have heard from multiple people, in multiple places and circumstances, saying the same thing: stay focused on the present. That can be a very difficult thing to do for those of us who are grief-stricken. Oftentimes our minds are going in every which direction and living in the present moment can be a major challenge for us. Our minds spend a lot of time in the past, focusing on past memories of our deceased loved ones. We may have a strong yearning and aching in our hearts for a time in our lives that is over and will not be returning. Our minds might then drift into the future, and then we can become anxious and overwhelmed, thinking about all the negative things that could happen to us -- we simply have no way of envisioning a positive future for ourselves. Life might begin to feel very bleak and dire for us.</p><p>The fact is that none of us knows what the future holds. Think about where you were 10, 20, 30 years ago. Did you ever imagine back then that your life would be where it is today? I sure didn't. If anything, if there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that my predictions of how my life would look in the future have almost always been wrong. How many of us, back in 2017, would have correctly answered the question "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"</p><p>When we really think about it, the present is all we have. Things and events constantly crop up in our lives that we didn't foresee. And it's not just the future that we have an incomplete picture of -- every now and then I will hear about someone from my past, many years ago, and I will learn about something that was going on in their lives during the time that I knew them that I wasn't aware of. In that sense, we don't fully know the past either, or we're remembering it with a lot of missing information.</p><p>Back to the present. There's a saying I try to remember whenever I feel worried or anxious: "Mile by mile, life's a trial. Yard by yard, life's not so hard. Inch by inch, life's a cinch." Life becomes more manageable when we focus on what's immediately in front of us and leave everything else out. The past has happened and cannot be changed, and the future is unknowable. What's become important for me is what I do and how I live for today -- not in a sense of "Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die" -- but in terms of "What can I do to make my life better right now? And what can I do to make the lives better of those around me?"</p><p>Over at <a href="http://hopefultransitions.com">hopefultransitions.com</a>, Sherry Williams White has a great article, <a href="https://hopefultransitions.com/15/Living-In-The-Moment.html" target="_blank">Living in the Moment.</a> Sherry was 26 years old when she lost her 47 year-old mom to cancer. She knows the difficulty in trying to stay focused on the present:</p><p><i>"When someone you love or care about dies, you experience a wide range of
emotions. Your mind goes over and over what happened, wanting to know
every detail. You begin to think about all of the things you could have
said, should have said, could have done, and should have done. You begin
to think about all of the things that person meant to you. All that you
shared in life and all of the wishes you have for the future. You begin
to focus on what will happen next. How will you go on? You think of all
there is to do and all there will be to do in the future. As you fill
your head with this huge list of things that must be done or will have
to be done, it is easy to feel overwhelmed."</i></p><p>Sherry also has a number of practical tips in her article on how we can live more in the present moment.<i> </i>Like anything else, it takes practice, but is very much worth doing! </p><p><br /></p>Steve Wirzylo http://www.blogger.com/profile/10185017445834278449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5563410856506319621.post-39357505072265410322022-11-18T09:57:00.001-05:002022-11-18T09:57:23.699-05:00Personal Musings: Dreaming About Fish, Death, and Resurrection<p>The night before last, I had a very interesting dream. I can't recall a lot of the details, but I do recall standing near a huge table, and I could see a fish lying on that table. The fish was barely alive -- I could see it with its mouth open, breathing slowly in a very labored fashion. I then saw a large aquarium tank sitting on the table, and without hesitation I picked up the fish and tossed it into the tank. I then saw it begin to wriggle in the water, slowly regaining its breath -- and then it began to dart around quickly, its life and energy regained. That's all I can remember....</p><p>I wonder if there was a message for me in that dream. One of the hardest things for me to witness was my mom and our pets slowing down and watching their life dwindle down to nothing. But maybe I have the wrong perspective -- maybe our earthly lives really are like being "fish out of water" -- we can survive out of that water, briefly -- and then we return to the water to the Source, to God, or whatever you want to call it -- and then we gain our life and strength back. Whatever it is, it gives me hope that the end of our time spent on Earth is not the end of our lives -- it merely is the end of one chapter, one experience -- and that there is much more life and experiences awaiting us after our Earthly journey....<br /></p>Steve Wirzylo http://www.blogger.com/profile/10185017445834278449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5563410856506319621.post-74889334544122543312022-11-16T21:09:00.001-05:002022-11-16T21:09:53.667-05:00Words of Comfort: The Bhagavad GitaThe Bhagavad Gita, a revered text from the Hindu religion, was produced during the first millenium B.C.E. Originally written in Sanskrit, there are over 300 translations in English alone. I particularly like this translation of verse 2:28 from Juan Mascaró:
"Invisible before birth are all beings and after death invisible again. They are seen between two unseens. Why in this truth find sorrow?"Steve Wirzylo http://www.blogger.com/profile/10185017445834278449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5563410856506319621.post-66190929082011731832022-11-11T18:50:00.002-05:002022-11-11T18:50:22.972-05:00Philosophy of Dying: Confucius and Zhuang Zhou<p>Alexus McLeod is an Associate Professor of Philosophy and Asian Studies at the University of Connecticut. In 2017 he penned an article: <a href="https://theconversation.com/what-chinese-philosophers-can-teach-us-about-dealing-with-our-own-grief-85959" target="_blank">"What Chinese Philosophers Can Teach Us About Dealing With Our Own Grief".</a> He references writings from Zhuang Zhou, the Daoist philosopher who lived during the 4th Century B.C.E. One particular insightful incident occurred when a friend of his, Hui Shi, finds him joyfully beating on a drum following the death of his wife, and reprimands Zhuang Zhou for his behavior. Zhuang's response?</p><p><i>"Zhuang Zhou replies that when his wife first died, he was as upset as
anyone would be following such a loss. But then he reflected on the
circumstances of her origins – how she came to be through changes in the
elements that make up the cosmos. He was able to shift his vision from
seeing things from the narrowly human perspective to seeing them from
the larger perspective of the world itself. He realized that her death
was just another of the changes of the myriad things constantly taking
place in the world. Just as the seasons progress, human life generates
and decays. In reflecting on life in this way, Zhuang Zhou’s grief disappeared." </i></p><p>Of course, grief doesn't go away so easily for so many of us, but Zhuang Zhou's perspective might be helpful to meditate on. Dr. McLeod also mentions how the Chinese philosopher Confucius <i> </i>(c. 551 B.C.E. - c. 479 B.C.E.) suggested a three-year mourning period after the death of one's parent -- quite extraordinary by modern standards. But for Confucius, anything less would not be appropriate. According to McLeod, there is also a communal and ancestral component to our grief that cannot be ignored:</p><p><i>"There is more to the Confucian response to death than grief. Our
encounter with others inevitably changes us. Those closest to us, <a href="https://muse.jhu.edu/article/488827">according to the early Confucians</a>,
particularly family members, play the greatest role in determining who
we are. In that sense, we are representatives of particular communities
than detached and autonomous individuals. </i></p><i>
</i><p><i>After all, many of our physical features and personalities originate
from our ancestors. In addition, we learn many of our attitudes,
preferences and characteristic ways of acting from our families, friends
and neighbors – the creators of our culture. So, when we consider the
question of what we are as individuals, the <a href="https://www.cambridge.org/core/books/confucian-ethics/tradition-and-community-in-the-formation-of-character-and-self/CCF1EE2580B305B5C4E8D413786DA44C">answer necessarily encompasses</a> members of our closest community."</i></p><p><br /><i></i></p>Steve Wirzylo http://www.blogger.com/profile/10185017445834278449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5563410856506319621.post-6232808330910738872022-11-01T20:13:00.004-04:002022-11-01T20:13:56.616-04:00Words of Comfort: Interview with R. Craig Hogan, PhD<div><p>As I mentioned in a previous post, I've really enjoyed listening to <a href="https://www.wedontdie.com/pages/radio-show" target="_blank">Sandra Champlain's "We Don't Die" Radio.</a> One of her most recent interviews was with Dr. Craig Hogan. Dr. Hogan is co-founder of the website <a href="http://Seekreality.com">Seekreality.com</a>, along with author and attorney <a href="http://www.robertagrimes.com" target="_blank">Roberta Grimes.</a> During the interview with Sandra, he claims that people who have died and crossed over to the afterlife take on the appearance of when they were in the prime of life (generally in their 20s to 30s), and that our deceased loved ones are much closer to us than we think they are (and that they want to engage with us!) He also talks about how our purpose on Earth is to learn lessons, love others, and how using our lives to serve others less fortunate than ourselves can be one of the best things we can do to lessen our grief. I personally found it a wonderfully reassuring and compassionate interview. Again, my words don't do it justice. I know I sound like a broken record, but again, watch the interview in its entirety -- I think it's well worth it!<br /></p></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/gce-c4kw86I" width="320" youtube-src-id="gce-c4kw86I"></iframe></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><br />Steve Wirzylo http://www.blogger.com/profile/10185017445834278449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5563410856506319621.post-58596454852543015722022-10-29T13:20:00.000-04:002022-10-29T13:20:13.631-04:00Loss Through Music: George Harrison's "All Things Must Pass"<p>Former Beatles guitarist George Harrison wrote "All Things Must Pass" in January of 1969. Originally planned to be on the Beatles' <i>Let It Be</i> album, the song didn't make the final cut. There's debate over whether John Lennon and Paul McCartney didn't really like the song, or if George wasn't fully up to having his band mates perform with him on this particular track. The song was later released in late 1970 over Harrison's highly-acclaimed album of the same name.</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/QWV4pFV5nX4" width="320" youtube-src-id="QWV4pFV5nX4"></iframe></div><p style="text-align: left;">According to Wikipedia, author Elliot Huntley described the song as a "haunting hymn about the mortality of everything." Some have speculated that Harrison was writing about the Beatles slow descent towards their break-up during that period, but others have noticed that Harrison's solo version of the song may have taken on an added dimension, after the death of his mother, Louise, in July 1970 at the age of 59.<br /></p>Steve Wirzylo http://www.blogger.com/profile/10185017445834278449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5563410856506319621.post-14718553079898349102022-10-23T18:32:00.004-04:002022-11-03T11:19:33.084-04:00Personal Musings: Brian D. Smith's Podcast & Amy Call's NDE<p><span style="font-size: medium;">I was listening to the <a href="https://www.grief2growth.com/podcast/" target="_blank">Grief 2 Growth Podcast</a> -- I think it was a little over a month ago -- when I heard Brian, the host, speculate on how we humans have such a limited perspective on our own troubles and sorrows in life:<i> <br /></i></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><i>"Because when we’re going through life, these traumas seem
insurmountable. They seem permanent. They seem like we’re not going to
be able to endure them. So we would say why would I in my right mind,
choose this type of trauma, this type of tragedy. And I heard this teaching, it was actually frankly, after my daughter Shayna had passed
away....So the
question then becomes why? Why would I choose to endure this type of
trauma? Why do I choose to endure this type of pain?....I would never choose
things like cancer, I would never choose things like death of a loved
one, those types of things I would never choose. But then that’s just a
matter of degree. And I think about people, I really think of us
ourselves as kind of like toddlers in some very real ways we as even as
adults, as we think we’re all grown up. And if you look at a toddler,
and a toddler falls to the ground, so they skinned their knee. And as an
adult, we look at them, we see them, they scream, and they moan. And
they're like, it’s the end of the world, like they broke their leg,
like they’re never gonna walk again. And we kind of smile at them. We ....empathize with their pain, but we know it’s
going to be okay. Because it’s relative, we realize that that scrape on
the leg is not that bad. But for a toddler, if that’s all they’ve ever
known, they think this is terrible. Similarly, if we tell our
young ones.... we’re going to
go somewhere, we’re gonna go to the movies, but we’re not going to go
today, we can’t go today, we’re gonna go tomorrow. For them tomorrow is
just never gonna come. It’s the end of the world again. So it’s a matter
of degrees and the way that we take things, I believe, when we’re in
these bodies, we look at the tragedies in the world. And we look at
things like the death of a loved one. And we say, No, this is too much. A
good and loving God would never allow this to happen. I as an
intelligent human being, would never choose for this to happen. But what
if you had a higher perspective? What if you knew that this thing that
happened to you is only temporary is only going to hurt for a little
while. And what if you knew [that what happened] to you is going to make
you a better person?" </i></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="https://www.grief2growth.com/why-would-i-ever-choose-this/" target="_blank">You can read the whole transcript of that episode and/or listen to it here</a>. When I heard Brian explain this concept, it reminded me of reading something similar somewhere else, namely, Amy Call's recollection of her near-death experience. <a href="https://www.nderf.org/Experiences/1amy_c_nde_4720.html">You can read about her entire experience at the NDERF website here.</a> (For those of you not familiar, NDERF is short for the Near-Death Experience Research Foundation).<i> </i>I have found Amy's NDE one of the more insightful and profound I have read to date. She relays a lot of thought-provoking information concerning Spirit Guides, people who die with addictions, people who commit suicide, and so forth.<i> </i>The relevant excerpt from her experience:<i><br /></i></span></p><h5 align="left"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i><span><span style="font-weight: normal;">"It was actually comical at moments. I could
feel how the 'Elders' as I will call them (these are those who are
Helpers on the Other Side who have Mastered themselves in many or all
ways, and help work with us) see us and find so much humor in the way
we do things. (Humor is so valued, there!!) It might seem brutally
annoying to consider when we are in the midst of a great argument or
drama that is playing out in our lives, that the Elders view these
things very much like when a mother sees her two-year-old scream and cry
and bop another child on the head with a stuffed animal. The mother
doesn't want her child to fall apart, become hysterical and cry. She
feels for her child, but at the same time, she sees a little bit of
comedy in how seriously the child takes what is usually a trivial drama.
She continues to love her child and thinks the world of it, hoping it
will go on enjoying the day, living and learning."</span></span></i></span></h5><h5 align="left"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">After reading Brian's and Amy's words, I'm left to wonder: are so many of us, myself included, so mired and stuck in our grief</span></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"> that we've lost all sense of perspective? Or maybe we've just forgotten what is so obvious over the course of our lives: things that seemed like an awfully big deal to us when we were younger don't carry much importance anymore. Certainly there were issues in my personal life that used to cause me a great deal of sadness and disappointment -- now, I don't give them much thought anymore. Maybe the same is true of our grief, albeit over a longer time span. Maybe when we leave this earthly life behind, we will come to realize that the grief and sadness we carry with us now will fade away, because we will be fully present and tuned in to the opportunities of our new post-earthly lives.</span></span><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></span></i></h5>Steve Wirzylo http://www.blogger.com/profile/10185017445834278449noreply@blogger.com0