Books That Have Helped: C.S. Lewis's "A Grief Observed"

One of my priorities at Living Alongside Grief is to identify various books that have helped me through the grieving process.  I cannot promise or guarantee that any particular book will help you.  We all grieve differently and we all find solace in different places and from different sources.  But hopefully you will find something useful from the myriad of sources that have been helpful for me.

One particular book that has been helpful for me is the classic "A Grief Observed" by C.S. Lewis.  Written in 1961, Lewis originally wrote the book under the pseudonym of N.W. Clerk.  It might be puzzling why Lewis decided to do this, until you start reading it.  Lewis had just lost his wife, Joy Davidman, the previous year.  Lewis refers to his wife pseudonymously as "H." throughout the book.

What I love about this book is the fact that Lewis does not come off as the confident, steadfast, never-doubting Christian theologian that some might imagine him to be.  If anything, he invites us into his world of emptiness and misery and apathy, where even simple tasks are hard to accomplish:

"And no one ever told me about the laziness of grief....I loathe the slightest effort.  Not only writing but even reading a letter is too much.  Even shaving.  What does it matter now whether my cheek is rough or smooth?"

Even more insightful is his attitude towards God, which has shifted quite dramatically upon the death of his wife:

"Meanwhile, where is God?  This is one of the most disquieting symptoms.  When you are happy....you will be....welcomed with open arms.  But go to Him when your need is desperate, when all other help is in vain, and what do you find? A door slammed in your face, and a sound of bolting and double bolting on the inside.  After that, silence.  You may as well turn away.  The longer you wait, the more emphatic the silence will become."

Lewis doesn't lose his faith in spite of his terrible loss, and the book is an intimate look into the mind of a great man who eventually comes to realize that we may never get the answers to the questions we seek, and he's okay with that:

"When I lay these questions before God, I get no answer.  But a rather special sort of 'No answer.'  It is not the locked door.  It is more like a silent, certainly not uncompassionate, gaze.  As though he shook His head not in refusal but waiving the question.  Like, 'Peace, child; you don't understand!'"

At only 89 pages (some editions have an extended afterword by Chad Walsh, a professor at Beloit College who was personally acquainted with Lewis), "A Grief Observed" is a quick read, but one filled with numerous insights and wisdom about the struggles one endures while learning to live with loss.