Grief and the Limitations of Language

Over at What's Your Grief, Litsa Williams has another great article, "The Limited Language of Grief".  Oftentimes, she writes, those of us who are grieving have a hard time describing what we're feeling, and we struggle to find the right words to define what we're going through.  Other times, she writes, there aren't any appropriate words:

"Still, there are many experiences where we remain tongue tied.  These are grief-related events and feelings that should have a word, but don’t. For example, someone who has lost a spouse is a widow (or widower), someone who has lost both parents is an orphan.  But for those who have lost a child, we can think of no specific word.... Most commonly we hear the term bereaved parent and, though it works, I can’t help but wish that such an unbelievably devastating loss had its own word."

Perhaps we can look for ways to enlarge our vocabulary that encompasses our experience with grief and loss?  I do resonate with Williams's description of "grief friends" -- people you bond with over shared grief.  I've been fortunate enough to discover some of these people since my mom and the pets passed.  Anyhow, I would recommend reading the whole article -- it might be a good way to get us all thinking more creatively to explain what we're going through.

Loss Through Music: Westlife's "I'll See You Again"

My mother loved and enjoyed all kinds of music throughout her life: Classical, Rock-and-roll, Euro-pop, Broadway musicals, to name a few.  During the last few years of her earthly life, she started developing a fascination with a lot of the famous Boy Bands!  One group she enjoyed in particular was Westlife.  Mom -- I'm giving this one for you: "I'll See You Again":

 

 

Articles Worth Reading: Grief and Isolation

Over on her website griefandmourning.com, author Jade has a good article on the pitfalls of becoming isolated while we are grieving the loss of our loved ones.  I personally know all too well that this is a trap that is all too easy to fall into.  Jade writes:

"One of the most painful parts of the grief process is the experience of grief isolation. It’s bad enough that your loss already left you feeling alone and singled out from the rest of the world, but now, with no way of knowing how to respond to such tragedy, most grievers tend to go further into the isolation of pain and profound loneliness. While this is a common course people find themselves going toward, it doesn’t mean that it’s the best course to follow."

Lots of good suggestions here on how to combat "grief isolation", as well as many of the psychological traps we can fall into while we're dealing with our loss, and what we can do to correct them.

Videos That Have Helped: When You Miss Someone

YouTuber Einzelgänger has a great channel devoted to philosophy, mostly devoted to Taoism, Buddhism, and Stoicism.  For those of you who struggle with grief, he has a very good video, "When You Miss Someone."  What I love about this video is that it can apply to people in a variety of situations, including those of us who had close friends move away, or are going through a break-up, as well as those of us who have lost loved ones to death.  Two quotes from the video that really struck me: "The reality is that everything comes and goes, and so do people.  The thing is that impermanence is what makes life possible, and, also, appealing."  And: "When we spend large amounts of time and energy on missing someone, we hand over the power over our mood to past memories....If we can't let go and long for something that isn't there, our present will appear gray and lifeless, often full of despair."  Definitely worth a full watch:

Videos That Have Helped: Relieving Anxiety

Anxiety can be a major component of our grief.  Sometimes I feel like I've experienced more anxiety in the last seven months than I have at any other point in life.  For me, it mostly has to do with worrying about friends and remaining family, or about where my future is heading.  Dr. Ali Mattu has another really great video to help out: "10 Quick Anxiety Relief Techniques".

 

 

Videos That Have Helped: Pet Loss

One of my favorite YouTube channels as of late has been Dr. Ali Mattu's The Psych Show.  Dr. Mattu has a really good video from 2019: "Losing a dog is like losing a family member".  Very helpful and comforting if you are struggling with the loss of a beloved pet.

Personal Musings: Reflecting on Humor From Comedian Steven Wright

One of my all-time favorite comedians is Steven Wright.  I love a lot of his jokes, but one of my favorites is this one: "I filled out an application that said, "In Case Of Emergency Notify". I wrote "Doctor"... What's my mother going to do?"  

In recent months, I've realized that there can be a lot of underlying wisdom in humor.  For those of us who may have lost someone we were highly dependent on, especially if it's a spouse/partner or parent, we can feel like nobody else can help us if we find ourselves in a difficult situation -- that our loved one was the one person who could help us out.  Yet Steven Wright's joke reminds me that sometimes, other people might be in a better situation to help us out if we're in a crisis of one sort or another.  This isn't to say that our transitioned loved ones weren't highly capable people -- it's just that we can take solace and comfort in the fact that there are other people who can help us out and lift us up when we are not doing well and at a low point in our lives.   Even something as simple as someone cracking a good joke can make the dark days a little brighter.