Alexus McLeod is an Associate Professor of Philosophy and Asian Studies at the University of Connecticut. In 2017 he penned an article: "What Chinese Philosophers Can Teach Us About Dealing With Our Own Grief". He references writings from Zhuang Zhou, the Daoist philosopher who lived during the 4th Century B.C.E. One particular insightful incident occurred when a friend of his, Hui Shi, finds him joyfully beating on a drum following the death of his wife, and reprimands Zhuang Zhou for his behavior. Zhuang's response?
"Zhuang Zhou replies that when his wife first died, he was as upset as anyone would be following such a loss. But then he reflected on the circumstances of her origins – how she came to be through changes in the elements that make up the cosmos. He was able to shift his vision from seeing things from the narrowly human perspective to seeing them from the larger perspective of the world itself. He realized that her death was just another of the changes of the myriad things constantly taking place in the world. Just as the seasons progress, human life generates and decays. In reflecting on life in this way, Zhuang Zhou’s grief disappeared."
Of course, grief doesn't go away so easily for so many of us, but Zhuang Zhou's perspective might be helpful to meditate on. Dr. McLeod also mentions how the Chinese philosopher Confucius (c. 551 B.C.E. - c. 479 B.C.E.) suggested a three-year mourning period after the death of one's parent -- quite extraordinary by modern standards. But for Confucius, anything less would not be appropriate. According to McLeod, there is also a communal and ancestral component to our grief that cannot be ignored:
"There is more to the Confucian response to death than grief. Our encounter with others inevitably changes us. Those closest to us, according to the early Confucians, particularly family members, play the greatest role in determining who we are. In that sense, we are representatives of particular communities than detached and autonomous individuals.
After all, many of our physical features and personalities originate from our ancestors. In addition, we learn many of our attitudes, preferences and characteristic ways of acting from our families, friends and neighbors – the creators of our culture. So, when we consider the question of what we are as individuals, the answer necessarily encompasses members of our closest community."
