Personal Musings: When Our Loved Ones Suffer

A few days ago I was ruminating on the loss of my mother and our pets.  It occurred to me that there was something almost inconsistent in the way I was processing my losses.  When my mom and Carter and Milton were sick and not doing well, it usually did not stop me from getting a decent night's sleep.  Now that they have all transitioned away from earthly life, getting rest is sometimes more difficult.  Why is that?  The easy answer is that I'm still grieving their loss of companionship, even though they have all more than likely been freed from all pain and suffering.  Shouldn't I be celebrating, then?  And shouldn't I have been MORE concerned and worried about their well-being when they were still around and in the pain and discomfort they were in?  I almost feel like I'm a hypocrite, maybe even a bit inhuman.  I'm beginning to realize that grief exposes a lot about who we are as individuals, and sometimes those traits are things that I never would have suspected before.