I'm feeling the need to post a little more as we move into the holiday season, which can be really tough for those of us who mourn the loss of loved ones at this time of year....
But one overlooked aspect of grief is mourning the loss of the person that we used to be. This has become evident to me especially in recent days. Do you remember the kind of person you were before your loss? Did you have a different attitude towards life? Did you have more faith and/or confidence? Did you have interests or hobbies that no longer resonate with you?
What you're feeling is actually quite common. Shelby Forsythia, who works as a writer, podcast host, and Intuitive Grief Guide, authored a 2021 article: "How to Grieve the Person You Used to Be". She begins by stating: "When someone we love dies, a part of us dies as well. While society has set practices and rituals for people who die, we rarely get an opportunity to honor, grieve, and release the person that we used to be and the life that we used to live."
Forsythia discusses the importance of self-compassion, as well as the importance of avoiding the tendency to either sanctify or vilify the kind of person we used to be. I really like her ideas on creating new rituals for ourselves in the midst of our grief and loss. One particular suggestion she makes that I really like is taking an "identity inventory":
"Pick up a few flat stones outside or purchase a bag of river rocks from a craft store. With a permanent marker or paint pen, write your name on one of the rocks, to represent your old self, and on the others, write all the intangible things you’re grieving. These can be things like 'faith,' 'trust in myself,' 'creativity,' 'the belief that the good guys always win,' and so on. When you’re done, bury your 'old self' along with your 'losses'....
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