It’s hard to believe that it’s been over three years since I started this blog, and going on four years since the deaths in my family in 2021. One thing I wish was that I was more consistent with my posting! Sometimes I go through dry spells when I can’t think of anything, and other times I have a bunch of things I could mention.
A few weeks ago I sent the following text to my long-distance friend Kari:
"You know what? Things get better. I mean, I know I'm never going to fully heal from everything that's happened over these last few years, but that's ok. Just need to keep pressing forward!"
Kari's response: "Write a blog post on that." Ok, so here goes...
Yes, I have found that things do improve over time, and it's not the same for any two people. Some people might feel significantly better in a few months, and for others it might take a few years. One podcaster I regularly listen to used a great analogy to describe living a life of religious faith, and I think it can apply equally well to how we recover from grief: we think that over time it will be a continuously upward trend, when in reality it looks more like the Dow Jones Index. One day we might feel like we're getting through things reasonably well, and the next day we might feel we're on the verge of another emotional meltdown. The important thing is to be forgiving of ourselves and realize that the journey to recovery from grief has its own bumps and detours along the way.
And things get better in increments. There’s a saying that’s stuck with me, and I don’t know if I posted this already, but the saying goes that the first week of grief is the hardest, then the first month is the hardest, then the first year is the hardest, then the first five years are the hardest, etc. For me, 2022 and the first half of 2023 were extremely difficult. The second half of 2023 got a little better....and then 2024 got a little better....and then 2025, so far, has been a little better....
I realize there's no going back to the way things were. And maybe we're not supposed to, if that means we lose the lessons and knowledge and experiences and wisdom we've picked up since our losses. And yet, and yet...I wonder if it isn't still possible, in some way. I have had many dreams in the last three and a half years where I've been back in my childhood home, and in other cases my grandparents' home, but not as a child, but as the person I am now...back with my mom and grandparents, relating to them as I am now, not as the naive and inexperienced child I was then. So maybe it is possible, in a sense, to go back to the way things were when we take leave of this world, but in a way that is infinitely better than it was before. We can only hope....
One thing I've noticed: I don't have the energy I did 5 years ago -- I get tired much more quickly than I used to. But I don't mope and complain about it. As we ourselves get older, we make adjustments to our new reality and keep pressing on, like the runner who falls down in the middle of a race, picks him/herself back up, and limps their way towards the finish line. It doesn't matter that they finish last -- what matters is that they keep pressing forward. And so it is the same with us -- to keep pushing on towards the finish line, to live a life that proved worth living. When my time comes to leave this Earth, I hope I can reunite with all my loved ones who have left before me, and I want them to be proud of the journey I made while I was here. I wish the same to be true for all of you as well.
