A few weeks ago, I was at a public library when I stumbled upon this book by Dr. Mary Lamia: "Grief Isn't Something to Get Over". Dr. Lamia, a psychologist, published the book in 2022.
There were a few quotes in the book that stood out for me:
"We may find comfort in focusing our attention on what we had, rather than on our yearning to restore what is impossible to replicate in the present."
"The passage of time after a loss is helpful to us as the discrepancy between past and present memories become less stark."
"A person's death is a distinct but incongruent memory, and it is hard to assimilate it into what we know and remember."
"Goodbyes are only a single remembered event in a lifetime."
Years ago, my mom gave me some details about the neighborhood where she grew up in Toledo. She told me about the beautiful American Elm trees that once lined her childhood street....that is, until the day the city had them all cut down due to Dutch Elm Disease. It was a huge loss for her neighborhood, as the streets were now bare of so many trees. Although hard numbers can be hard to come by, it's been estimated that 77 million American Elm trees were lost to the disease between the 1930s and 1970s.
So imagine my surprise when, one day recently, I happened to be in the basement of my dad's place and I gazed out one of the windows to see, to my amazement....
Yup, those are American Elm trees, the ones my mom had lamented the loss of so many years ago. Obviously, due to their current location, they can't grow very much, and young trees don't develop Dutch Elm Disease for the first 10 years. At the moment though, they appear to be thriving. It's amazing to me how life finds a way...
Losing a loved one (or enduring any significant loss, for that matter) can help us realize what's truly important in life. Some of the things that used to be so important to us don't matter as much anymore, while other aspects of our lives take on new importance and urgency. This Reddit post nicely sums up some of those with these words of wisdom:
8 lessons people often learn too late in life
Time is your most valuable resource. You can always make more money, but never more time. Spend it wisely.
Health is wealth. Ignoring your physical and mental health catches up, sometimes when it’s too late to reverse.
Happiness isn’t tied to success. Chasing titles, money, or approval won’t guarantee peace of mind or fulfillment.
People change, and that’s okay. Not everyone will stay in your life forever, and not all relationships are meant to last.
You’ll never please everyone. Trying to win everyone’s approval only leads to burnout and confusion about who you are.
Failures are lessons, not life sentences. Most mistakes are just stepping stones, not dead ends. Embrace the learning.
Small moments matter the most. The quiet dinners, laughs with loved
ones, or solo walks often become the memories you cherish most.
If you don’t choose your path, someone else will. Letting life
“just happen” often leads to regret. Make intentional choices whenever
you can.
I have read and/or listened to many people and their accounts of their near-death experiences. Many of them are truly fascinating. One in particular that has continuously circulated in my mind in recent weeks is Jeff Cleckley's. Cleckley had his NDE in 2013. He had been battling severe physical pain, pneumonia, and a MRSA infection when he overdosed on opioid painkillers.
In his near-death account, Cleckley recalls losing interest in his Earthly life when he crossed over, although the one thing that still concerned him was leaving behind his 4 year old son. He had a detailed life review where he could see how his actions affected others, for both good and ill.
Other highlights of his experience include:
- realizing why so often our prayers are ineffective. Hint: we're doing it wrong!
- protesting to his spirit guides after his life review that he didn't have the tools to live his life successfully on Earth.
- being told by his guides that humanity has been on a path of self-destruction
- the importance of loving everyone and everything, and not letting fear and doubt ruin our lives.
Cleckley came back a deeply changed man and put his newfound spiritual gifts to work. He spent more time meditating and being out in nature. He was able to recognize people's inner pain and started communicating with angels. In another instance, he visited his dying nephew in the hospital, who was in the ICU and who had also overdosed on drugs. The night before the plug was to be pulled, Cleckley went into a deep meditative state where he saw Jesus and was able to talk to his nephew and convince him to return. The following day his nephew regained consciousness and eventually recovered.
I found Cleckley's account deeply touching and inspiring. You can hear his story, as well as those from many other near-death experiencers, through The Other Side NDE channel on YouTube.
