I had mentioned in one of my previous posts on how staying in motion -- such as exercising -- can help deal with the worst aspects of grief. Well, it looks like the whole concept has been taken to a new level. Over at Good News Network, there's a new story: "Dance Away Your Tears With This 'Grief Disco Kiosk'." The story profiles British artist Anna Nicholson, who is collaborating with several different organizations, to convert old European-style K67 kiosks into places where people can express their grief through the medium of dance. According to the article, "there’ll be meditation and yoga workshops, dance classes, and “grief
raves” where clubbers can request tracks that remind them of absent or
lost loved ones." Nicholson is no stranger to grief, after losing her mother, sister, and sister's partner in a helicopter crash, and her father a few years later to cancer. A few years earlier, Nicholson was involved in another creative venture, using an ice cream truck to entice people to show up for some sweet treats as well as providing a venue for discussing their issues with grief and loss. It all goes to show that even amidst our grief, there is still a lot of room for being creative and reaching out to others!
A few years ago, I read an article by another blogger about her decision to deliberately live a "Wabi-Sabi" life. I couldn't find the original article, but this one from Omar Itani nicely sums up the concept. Excerpt:
"Wabi-sabi is an elegant philosophy that denotes a more connected way of living—a lifestyle, where we are deeply connected to nature, and thus, better connected to our truest inner-selves.
Wabi-sabi is a concept that motions us to constantly search for the beauty in imperfection and accept the more natural cycle of life. It reminds us that all things including us and life itself, are impermanent, incomplete, and imperfect. Perfection, then, is impossible and impermanence is the only way.
Taken individually, wabi and sabi are two separate concepts:
Wabi is about recognizing beauty in humble simplicity. It invites us to open our heart and detach from the vanity of materialism so we can experience spiritual richness instead.
Sabi is concerned with the passage of time, the way all things grow, age, and decay, and how it manifests itself beautifully in objects. It suggests that beauty is hidden beneath the surface of what we actually see, even in what we initially perceive as broken.
Together, these two concepts create an overarching philosophy for approaching life: Accept what is, stay in the present moment, and appreciate the simple, transient stages of life."
Lots of great spiritual advice in this article, including recognizing the beauty in all things, accepting our circumstances, striving for excellence instead of perfection, and slowing down our pace of living. As for myself, I've discovered that it's all too easy that when you've lost someone, you wind up holding on even more intensely to the people, places, and things that remain in your life, even when it causes even more pain. I especially liked this statement, which is something I've struggled with over these last couple of years:
"Zen is about how you face the challenges and difficulties life throws at you. It’s about how you deal with the inevitable realities of failure, grief, worry, and loneliness. Zen is in your response. Will you accept the imperfect flow of life? Or will you fight it? Will you find peace in what is right here, right now? Or will you deny it and thus continue your struggle with it?
The idea is quite simple: As you continue to resist, so will you continue to compound your suffering."
Yes, life on Earth can really suck a lot of the time. That's especially true when you're grieving. But....that doesn't mean there aren't ways to alleviate the pain. Sometimes we need others to show us a different way. I like to think that Daphne Rose Kingma is one of those people. I've been re-visiting Kingma's book The Ten Things to Do When Your Life Falls Apart. While the book was written in 2010, the lessons in her book, I believe, are timeless.
From her introduction: "This book is about those times when life has become so overwhelmingly difficult that you feel as if you want to give up -- when it feels as if you can no longer cope, when you feel as if you've been taxed to the max. On an emotional level you're wondering how you'll make it through all the terrible feelings: grief, loss, sadness, despair....But the truth is that no one escapes such things, no matter what their origins. Loss, heartache, tragedy, and strings of difficult events that leave us breathless with confusion, terrified about the future, hating our lives, and wondering about their meaning are the warp and weft of the human condition. No matter your birth sign, hair color, nationality of origin, net taxable income, or acts of a thousand past lives -- no one is exempt."
Kingma then offers ten techniques to help you when you're faced with these agonizing and hopeless situations. They are:
1. Cry Your Heart Out
2. Face Your Defaults
3. Do Something Different
4. Let Go
5. Remember Who You've Always Been
6. Persist
7. Integrate Your Loss
8. Live Simply
9. Go Where the Love Is
10. Live in the Light of the Spirit
Of course, my summarizing doesn't do the book justice. What I love about Kingma's book is that it has the potential to appeal to people of many diverse faith backgrounds, including those who could identify themselves as "spiritual but not religious". It's also a big plus that her work is loaded with stories of people from all walks of life who have struggled with loss and heartbreak. This book is definitely on my short list for those who are trying to make sense out of their grief. Absolutely worth a read!
Some weeks ago -- I believe it was in late March -- I had a very interesting conversation with my friend Bob. Bob is interested in all things theological and spiritual. At one point in the conversation, Bob told me he hoped that reincarnation didn't exist, because he never wanted to return to Earth. And in my great surprise, I told him that I had had the exact same thought over the years, and I said in a half-joking manner that if we ever came face to face with God that we "should ask to be designated for assignment somewhere else," rather than come back to Earth.
Then I watched an episode of Jeff Mara's podcast. In this episode, Jeff interviews El Serumaga. El experienced a profound near-death experience while in a coma. Among her many fascinating observations from her NDE:
- Everything alive is conscious, including plants.
- That Earth is a sort of "boot camp" for the soul.
- Thoughts on extraterrestrial life and their interactions with humanity.
- El gaining psychic abilities through her experience.
- That humanity is living in a dystopian existence right now.
Then I read some of the YouTube comments from others who also listened to the interview, which bore an uncanny resemblance to the conversation Bob and I had several weeks earlier. From "Jennifer":
"My 15 year old nephew told me today that he knew when he was 13 that
this earth was a terrible place. He says he's not going to have children
(his 19 year old sister says same). And, he says he's not going to come
back here (reincarnation). I think a lot of us are waking up to the
fact that this is a prison planet."
On a somewhat more humorous note, there was this comment from "Amy":
"In my humble opinion, the Earth is basically like that Summer Camp we all went to with the runny oatmeal, the cold dorm rooms and scratchy blankets complete with the instructor that had not yet realized he was no longer in the Marines. I wonder if on the Other Side they advertise Earth with glossy photo images like they use in pharma commercials with scenes with strolling on the beach with a loving partner at sunrise and a happy puppy and a shiny SUV in the background for good measure."
All of this brings up a fascinating yet disturbing possibility: if our souls existed before our births, is it possible that a lot of us were duped or misled into coming to Earth in the first place? If coming to Earth was necessary for our spiritual growth, is it possible that there were spiritual entities that convinced us to come here without fully explaining the disappointments and trials and grief we would encounter, knowing that we would likely decline the offer to come here if we knew? Until now I never had even conceptualized of such a possibility. On the surface, I know this sounds like a ludicrous and far-out concept, but sometimes I just have to wonder.
As a counterpoint, some people in the comments mentioned that life on Earth in itself is not miserable, but that many of the people who hold huge amounts of wealth and/or power make it miserable for everyone else.
Anyway, if you're a believer in NDEs, I strongly encourage you to watch Jeff's interview with El in its entirety. I do think that listening to stories such as El's can give us reassurance about the life that is to come for us and our deceased loved ones. Jeff is a wonderful interviewer with his calm and inquisitive demeanor, asking relevant questions while allowing his guests to talk without interruption. And El tells her story with such thoughtfulness and genuineness and sweetness -- it's just an amazing interview all the way around.
